Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Crossroad

I hate this feeling of being stuck in a crossroad and i don't mean physically in a crossroad but more emotionally. When i decided to be a stay at home mum, our plan was for me to stop work for one year (at least) and after that, start work again and slowly save up to buy our first house here and also by then, the kids would be more settled in this new environment. With the current economic situation, I thought to myself..hmm..maybe i should work again to help ironchef out so that he wouldn't feel so stressed being the main breadwinner but looking at the job market..one word spells it out - DISASTROUS!

So here i am, still a stay at home mum and worried about the future. What if after one year, i am ready to go back to the Corporate World again and NO company would want to hire me? Afterall, i would have been so left out from the working world by then..i would have to compete with younger wannabies just to prove that i am worth two cents..and to make things worse..i don't know if i will be ready to start all over again. Lately, what has been bugging me more is my notion of moving. To move or not to move is a question I have been pondering on eversince I came two years ago! I need to move to a bigger state if i want a decent job and when i mean decent job..i mean decent jobs like a Marketing Job..or Corporate Communications job..basically a job which i use my brains alot..not like my last job here. I would encapsulate my last job as a no brainer. It was still a decent admin role but lacking in brain skills for me.

I am dying to move..BUT..and there is always a BUT! Ironchef is happy, contented with his present job here and i dont blame him. Where else can you get such a good job with good perks? So for him to give it all up would mean again to him..DISASTROUS! Hmm.i have been using this word like twice in my post already..but it is true..Damn if you do and damn if you don't! I wish there was a sign for me..if i stay, then it would mean me sacrificing getting a decent job..probability higher that i get another no brainer job resulting in me being upset, moody and angry. If i do move, i might get a decent job..something which i love doing..but it might mean..Ironchef starting all over again and he might in turn be moody and upset.

I hate being in a crossroad..how do you know which path to choose in life? I wish life was much simplier with instructions on a sheet of paper telling you where to go and when and how. I wish there were signs to tell you that you are doing the right thing.

This is one crossroad i hope there is a GPS or a Navman to tell me where to go!

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